Separate bedrooms
Dec. 4th, 2011 12:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Had Stef's pal Tony over today for a long lunch. I do like Tony - he's good fun. Anyway, I've just said goodnight to both of them (Stef and Tony, that is), and now face a good night's sleep. It's Stef's turn to take Charlie into his room in his Moses basket, leaving me a free hand.
This, of course, is an excellent advert for separate bedrooms; if breastfeeding doesn't work out, there's no reason at all why you can't share the entire babycare load between Mum and Dad.
Which brings me on to my subject: couples having separate bedrooms in general. People seem to be a bit down on it to the extent that they assume it means your relationship is in trouble, but I don't think that's necessarily so. Certainly from my perspective, I always wanted my own space, and it always seemed to me that the main thing stopping that would be financial. But if you're lucky enough to be able to afford the space, why not? True, Stef is a big snorer, but that's only number 2 on my list of reasons for wanting a separate room - although, interestingly, it's the best one to tell people, because it's a conversation stopper. People always accept that as a reason, whereas 'I want my own space' doesn't seem to quite cut the mustard.
What do y'all think?
This, of course, is an excellent advert for separate bedrooms; if breastfeeding doesn't work out, there's no reason at all why you can't share the entire babycare load between Mum and Dad.
Which brings me on to my subject: couples having separate bedrooms in general. People seem to be a bit down on it to the extent that they assume it means your relationship is in trouble, but I don't think that's necessarily so. Certainly from my perspective, I always wanted my own space, and it always seemed to me that the main thing stopping that would be financial. But if you're lucky enough to be able to afford the space, why not? True, Stef is a big snorer, but that's only number 2 on my list of reasons for wanting a separate room - although, interestingly, it's the best one to tell people, because it's a conversation stopper. People always accept that as a reason, whereas 'I want my own space' doesn't seem to quite cut the mustard.
What do y'all think?
no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 12:24 am (UTC)Beyond the comfort level, for me, I like having time to myself, and a place to do so, where I know I am not being viewed (even lovingly) by anyone. My thoughts seem to run more freely, and when working/sewing being on my own leads to better focus.
Peoples reactions are odd though. My mum seemed diapproving, even though she & her 2nd husband actually sleep in different rooms 5 nights out of 7. Though in their case it's "in the spare bed in the office", she seems to find the actively defined "my bedroom" to show a lack of commitment to eachother. *sigh*
no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 12:30 am (UTC)And then I grew up and discovered polyamory, and that gave me a cast-iron excuse to insist on my own bedroom as part of any potential co-habitation setup. Admittedly the situation has never arisen as yet, but you never know. Even so, I'm not sure I could agree to one now where sharing a bedroom was part of the deal. I'm a wee bit territorial like that.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 01:23 am (UTC)Am really happy sharing a room right now; I used to sleep worse alone (although have happily conquered that one) but now it's a matter of just preferring to sleep next to my partner. We get plenty of our own space in other ways. Also, I'm not the most independent of people and really happy to be in a space where that's ok :)
Where snoring etc is a problem, there's always the sofa which is awesome for comfy. I've already had a 3 hour nap today (which may be why I'm still up) :)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 07:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 07:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 12:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 02:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 03:19 pm (UTC)But yeah, people look at me like I'm off another planet when I tell them we have separate rooms until I say the thing about the snoring. Then they drop it.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-05 08:39 am (UTC)I'm afraid I'm more of a CJ re tidiness. Thete has dubbed the floor on my side of the bed 'Piglet Valley' and is currently putting up with the living room floor being covered with Christmas card-making paraphernalia.
I guess this is where cohabiting works in my favour a bit as I have to keep a certain level of tidy that won't drive someone else mad e.g. Piglet Valley does need regular tidying and er.. I'd better tidy the living room floor soon.
Radio on all night? !!? eep
Edited first paragraph to make sure it made sense
no subject
Date: 2011-12-07 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 06:05 pm (UTC)Current squeeze & I are tentatively talking about living together in 2013, when I'll be 36 and him 41. Our own rooms will be a must - I can't see myself getting to 36 having always had a *whole house* to myself, then being happy to share space like that.
Ideally I'd live next-door to a partner, but living in a large (i.e. 3 or 4 bedroom) house between two people seems like a decent compromise.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-05 04:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 06:14 pm (UTC)When Conflux and I moved in together we thought we'd sleep together at least on weekends in our two-bedroom flat, but after a month concluded that dividing the space into a bedroom each was the way to go, what with him being an insomniac and going to bed a couple hours later than me.
I suspect there's a lot of envy about being able to afford separate bedrooms.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 07:47 pm (UTC)Now I wouldn't want to live with a partner unless we each had a bedroom. I love sleeping with a partner, but when I get really horribly tired I like to be able to sleep undisturbed and a room of my own is the best way to make that happen. Also the poly thing: I want to be able to invite visiting partners into my bed without kicking anyone out of their own bed.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 10:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-05 11:52 am (UTC)But yes, another poly person who's always had separate bedrooms. I've been a bad sleeper for much of my life, which has been a big factor, although that seems to be improving lately. I'm starting to actively enjoy sleeping in the same bed with partners, which is lovely. I've even managed to sleep in a bed with partner + cat. Gosh. Having a big bed helps lots :)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-05 09:42 pm (UTC)