Advice sought

[ajva]

OK. Asking your advice here. I may be being silly, or I may have a point - your call.

Last Saturday night, I headed off to one of our local offies to grab a few beers after Eurovision. When there, the guys who owned it explained to me (I can't remember how the conversation started) that they had originally lived in Turkey, but that they couldn't return there, because they'd be killed if they did. I expressed shock at this and asked why. They said it was because they were 'something called' (not apparently expecting me to have any knowledge of this) Kurds. I immediately exploded with a friendly 'Oh Kurds! Oh that's completely different from Turks - even I know that!' They seemed happy with that.

Anyway, tonight I just went down there to buy a few beers for the evening, and as I handed over the money I said 'And how are my favourite Kurds this evening?' The guy beamed when I said it, and all seemed fine.

But then I was walking back down the road and I suddenly thought that what I'd said actually probably sounded a bit patronising - bordering racist, actually - but maybe the guy felt he had to express happiness at the local's recognition of his national identity. Damn. It's not something I can really find a way to apologise for or correct, but maybe I should have more recognition of the impact of those kind of words.

Anyway, thoughts? Bluntness welcome...

Comments

[alan1957.livejournal.com]

Only the chaps themselves can answer this one. So why don't you ask them next time you're in there...to set your mind at rest?

[ms-katonic.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't worry too much about it, tbh. Possibly it could be seen as patronising, but you won't know unless you ask.

Probably the litmus test is, would they be OK greeting you with "how's my favourite British lady tonight?" Should it get to that stage, you're probably fine. Until then, may be wise to think before speaking. But no sense beating yourself up about it now, doesn't sound like they minded hugely.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I don't know. How's my favourite Scot? ;)

It might have come off as a bit patronising, but probably no worse than that. To be honest, Middle Eastern and Asian shop owners unfortuntely get enough actual racist abuse that a friendly smile probably makes their day anyway.

[ajva.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was kind of thinking - how would I react if I had a shop in Kurdistan and a local came up to me saying 'How's my favourite Scot tonight?', and the truth is I'd really like it. But the fact is that that's not really comparable, the way the world works. So I guess I have to do as Alan suggests, and ask them about it. I'm not quite sure how I'll manage that without sounding completely bizarre. Oh well; I'll try my best...

[ajva.livejournal.com]

Yeah, as I said above, I'd really like such a question, but am aware that that isn't quite enough for the UK today. It's perfectly possible that the shopkeeper felt nice about it, so I think I'm going to feel a bit weird about raising the question, but I'll do my best.

[webcowgirl.livejournal.com]

I personally think that the fact you're acknowledging their nationality when they can't get recognition as a nation state internationally has got to make them feel really good. Like "how's my favorite Arizonan (or Phoenician)" would make me feel good, it meant someone really knew something about me.

[ditzy-pole.livejournal.com]

This.

Personally I quite like when people say to me 'how's my favourite Pole' - it doesn't single out my nationality as a negative.

[thekumquat.livejournal.com]

Saying it once, even if they found it irritating, fair enough. If you return regularly and said it every time, I'd guess it would drive anyone up the wall, Kurdish or otherwise.

If you chat to people often nationality seems to come up regularly - maybe wait for an opportunity to arise rather than asking a propos of nothing?

[louis_mallow]

It's not racist. It's a tiny, tiny bit patronising, and it's drawing attention to an irrelevance, no more than that.

And even that isn't to say they weren't genuinely pleased at the recognition.

They may even recognise your accent and think that's where the fellow feeling comes from.
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