more shorts

[ajva]

I'd like to make a point about the shorts thing.

I feel a need to explain that it is not criticism of my legs per se that got me riled. I'm getting a lot of well-meaning (and of course welcome) comments of the "don't listen to them - you have lovely legs" variety and while it is of course not pleasant to be told that you have the legs of a turkey this really is only part of the problem.

After all, if I was only upset about being told a bit of me was ugly, why would I have included in the list all the people claiming to want to pick me up? Evidently, the grown men wolf-whistled and asked for a fuck because they liked the look of a bit of leg and leather (and they behaved as if, in wearing what I did, I was trying to say "would you?"). Evidently, the teenage boys liked the look of it too but couldn't articulate that, and the teenage girls were, for the most part, jealous of my self-confidence. Turkey girl is obviously an example of the type of girl who rules the roost at school by undermining other girls' confidence. She matters nothing to me in herself.

I'm quite thick-skinned, you know. Nevertheless, there is a level beyond which teasing stops being just water off a duck's back, and starts being something of a major nuisance, because it is relentless. It was the relentlessness that got me: I was left feeling physically tired. I think it might be because each individual episode of teasing or propositioning is like a potential conflict, and the body definitely reacts as such. Each one triggers the fight or flight response at some level, and if you are saturated like that in adrenalin over such a long period, it really does shatter your nerves. I think this point is often missed by people who don't experience this sort of thing. It is irritating and can be upsetting to get something like this once in a day. But to get it all day (or indeed, day after day) is awful.

So you see, I really feel it is important to point out that it is not that I felt ugly or embarrassed about being fat or yadda yadda yadda. I couldn't give a shit about what inexperienced children or teenagers trying to secure their own status with their peers think, and I can just about cope with being asked for a fuck (although the strength of that language is actually quite frightening when shouted across the street). What did me in the end was the physical effect it had - the utter exhaustion.

Comments

[ergotia.livejournal.com]

Yes, I note what you say and i know you are quite thick skinned, I just could not resist complimenting your legs! Forgive me!

The incidents you list do indeed seem excessive coming altogether like that, but there generally seems no pattern to it. I was out with Kitty and Lili yesterday and we were not particularly gothed up, but there were several rude comments, whereas sometimes we have been out gothed to the max and had only nice comments - the latter tends to be the exception, but the point I am making is the rather random nature of this kind of abuse. I agree that it is awful in it's cumulative effect, and after all we choose to go out dressed in a way that will attract attention, whereas you should be able to wear shorts for comfort for fuck's sake! Also, it seems to be worse in Spring/Summer, probably just because more hanging around happens, and it is definitely much worse when you are alone, to the extent that it definitely restricts my activities, as I have noted elsewhere.

Anyway, fuck 'em all! We were out with Kitty last year sometime and got a load of abuse just as we were getting into a cab, when Kitty shouted back at the top of his lungs "enjoy your life of servitude!" .....we laughed all the way to the Fetish Fair.....

luv and hisses

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

Good points, there.

Shoot 'em

[werenerd.livejournal.com]

If you ever feel the need to “give something back”, going out armed with a hand-held video camera can be a solution. Just point the camera at anyone being an asshole, and see if it doesn’t throw them off balance. Anonymity and the knowledge that there will be no consequences from what they do, are two of their main defenses, and filming them strips them of both. Some people will clown for the camera, others will shy away from it, most will just be confused, either way, you’ve regained control of the situation.

---Erich

[jhg.livejournal.com]

, there is a level beyond which teasing stops being just water off a duck's back, and starts being something of a major nuisance, because it is relentless. It was the relentlessness that got me: I was left feeling physically tired. I think it might be because each individual episode of teasing or propositioning is like a potential conflict, and the body definitely reacts as such. Each one triggers the fight or flight response at some level, and if you are saturated like that in adrenalin over such a long period, it really does shatter your nerves. I think this point is often missed by people who don't experience this sort of thing. It is irritating and can be upsetting to get something like this once in a day. But to get it all day (or indeed, day after day) is awful.

Sounds like my prep school.

Except that was 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 6 years.


J

[ajva.livejournal.com]

That's my point.

Or more specifically, that it is not always noticed that the moron-encouraged "heightenedness" of low self-esteem anxiety can be confused with adrenalin-induced exhaustion. This leads victims to feel guilty for the way they have dealt with it, and being unable to articulate their anger at this.

In other words, saying "just stand up to the bullies and everything will be OK" or "they[random rude men]'re only trying their luck" betrays a misunderstanding and underestimation of the nature and severity of the situation.

[jhg.livejournal.com]

Or more specifically, that it is not always noticed that the moron-encouraged "heightenedness" of low self-esteem anxiety can be confused with adrenalin-induced exhaustion.

Yup, agree there.

This leads victims to feel guilty for the way they have dealt with it, and being unable to articulate their anger at this.

Does it? I don't quite follow you there. And I assume you mean 'failed to deal with it'...

In other words, saying "just stand up to the bullies and everything will be OK" or "they[random rude men]'re only trying their luck" betrays a misunderstanding and underestimation of the nature and severity of the situation.

Well, yes.

It puts me in mind of a favourite (picture) cartoon, which contains the text:

Myths Your Parents Tell You No. 675: Bullies run away if you stand up to them.

The picture was of a young lad in cap and blazer whose legs have disappeared into a hole in the ground, which in turn is caused by the much larger young lad who is repeatedly bashing him over the head.


J

[ajva.livejournal.com]

Does it? I don't quite follow you there. And I assume you mean 'failed to deal with it'...

No I don't. In fact, your comment neatly illustrates exactly what I mean. You still think you were somehow to blame.

[jhg.livejournal.com]

Ah. Yes, certainly I was always made to feel inferior because I couldn't 'successfully stand up to the bullies'


J