![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Friday's English Language Lesson #4***
This week, because I am upset and pissed off, I will do what I told myself I wouldn't ever do with these posts, which is to be nasty about people who consistently misplace apostrophes.
Everyone makes typos sometimes. The odd apostrophe mistake is not a catastrophe. What I'm talking about is the kind of cluelessness that also pisses Lynne Truss off.
For example, here are some simple fucking rules:
1) The word "yours" NEVER needs an apostrophe.
I mean, think about it. Are you a bloody idiot or what? The word "yours" is in exactly the same category as the word "mine". You don't need to be a grammarian to suss that one out. Where the hell are you going to put an apostrophe in that? Min'e? What's that - mince? Mine'? M'ine? Mi'ne? What the hell are you doing? FFS.
2) "It's" and "its" are two different goddamn motherfucking words, goddamnbuggerybeckettit.
e.g. Your mistake, my mistake, his mistake, her mistake, its mistake.
it's = it is
e.g. It's all one big motherfucking load of shit.
Look at your writing. Can you replace the "it's" you have written with the two words "it is"? If not, delete the apostrophe. Gumhead.
3) If it's a plural, just stick an "s" on the end; it doesn't need a bloody apostrophe.
Anne's top tip for the functionally illiterate: if you're not sure, just miss out the apostrophe anyway. Most people's mistake is too use them too much. To me at least, a missing apostrophe is annoying in the way that a friend owing you a fiver who doesn't turn up to the pub is annoying, but a big, fat, juicy, stinking apostophe where one shouldn't be is like coming home from a hard day at work to find a turd on your pillow. Much more annoying.
Here endeth the lesson.
Oh, and a big cheery hello to slu if he's still stalking me this week. *waves*
Everyone makes typos sometimes. The odd apostrophe mistake is not a catastrophe. What I'm talking about is the kind of cluelessness that also pisses Lynne Truss off.
For example, here are some simple fucking rules:
1) The word "yours" NEVER needs an apostrophe.
I mean, think about it. Are you a bloody idiot or what? The word "yours" is in exactly the same category as the word "mine". You don't need to be a grammarian to suss that one out. Where the hell are you going to put an apostrophe in that? Min'e? What's that - mince? Mine'? M'ine? Mi'ne? What the hell are you doing? FFS.
2) "It's" and "its" are two different goddamn motherfucking words, goddamnbuggerybeckettit.
e.g. Your mistake, my mistake, his mistake, her mistake, its mistake.
it's = it is
e.g. It's all one big motherfucking load of shit.
Look at your writing. Can you replace the "it's" you have written with the two words "it is"? If not, delete the apostrophe. Gumhead.
3) If it's a plural, just stick an "s" on the end; it doesn't need a bloody apostrophe.
Anne's top tip for the functionally illiterate: if you're not sure, just miss out the apostrophe anyway. Most people's mistake is too use them too much. To me at least, a missing apostrophe is annoying in the way that a friend owing you a fiver who doesn't turn up to the pub is annoying, but a big, fat, juicy, stinking apostophe where one shouldn't be is like coming home from a hard day at work to find a turd on your pillow. Much more annoying.
Here endeth the lesson.
Oh, and a big cheery hello to slu if he's still stalking me this week. *waves*
no subject
no subject
*Hugs!*
no subject
This means you don't need it for "CD's from the 80's", because "CDs from the 80s" is perfectly clear.
Alternate version in ca'se you're 'scared of the letter 'S and need a warning of it's impending arrival:
Chicago Manual of 'Style 'say's it's OK to put an apo'strophe before a plural "'s" if and only if it's nece's'sary for di'sambiguation. eg "BiCon i's in Manche'ster thi's year and we expect bi's to turn up". Thi's mean's you don't need it for "CD's from the 80's".
no subject
no subject
no subject
I forget who is credited with the Internet law that 'every grammar/spelling flame shall contain a grammatical or spelling error'.
no. but yeah, but no, but yeah...but anyways i was tired
But 'fiver from a friend' vs 'turd on your pillow' is just wonderfully true. Splendid turn of phrase!
no subject
Keep up the good work by the way. I think you should publish all this one day and send it around schools.
no subject
no subject
:)
no subject
no subject
I remember at work recently being told about new pensions and benefits, and at one point it said something along the lines of "your spouses benefits". "How many spouses?" I thought to myself, though sadly it's probably expecting too much for them to be poly-friendly..
A horrid trend I've seen on IRC is to say for example "/me be's quiet" (so it comes out "* foo be's quiet" for example) - what the hell is that, I ask? Also on the topic of apostrophes, I remember an English teacher I had saying that "won't" should be spelt without an apostrophe, since it's a new word entirely and obviously not a contraction of "wo not". I haven't heard this idea anywhere else, so I don't know if this was just some made up opinion of hers or not.
Was good to see you at the party the other saturday, by the way!