gingerism

[ajva]

Here's a joke. "What's the difference between a terrorist and a redhead?"

Here's the punchline. "You can negotiate with a terrorist."

LOL!!!! What nonsense. :o)

God, people are always looking for something to get self-pitying about, aren't they? As if it kinda removes the obligation to go out and grasp the day. Grow the hell up and stop whining.

Comments

[lovelybug.livejournal.com]

Yes - something you can 'control' or something you 'choose' vs something you are born with. Taking the piss becomes bullying if you ask someone to stop and they carry on, I would think.

[kake]

I'm not sure this distinction really works, because you can control your hair colour. It's hassle, yes, and you obviously shouldn't have to if you don't want to, but it's something you can control. And which side of the divide does "being fat" fall on?

Agree with your definition of taking the piss vs. bullying.

[lovelybug.livejournal.com]

I agree - I was meaning: 'this is what they're thinking', but it isn't what I believe.

I do agree with David though - it's unfortunately not as easily defined as that.

[kake]

Ah-ha, right, I see what you mean.

I also see what you and David are talking about regarding the social unacceptability of "being unable to take a good-hearted ribbing", but I do think there is some onus on people to speak up when this kind of thing bothers them. There may be a grey area between "bullying by pushing the line" and "accidental hurting of feelings", but there's also a grey area on the other side, between "accidental hurting of feelings" and "friendly joshing in order to emphasize the shared history between the josher and the joshee". Does that make sense? I'm certainly not saying that it should be necessary to mention the issue than once, but I think it's unreasonable to expect everyone around you to magically know the difference between things that you're sensitive about and things that you aren't.

(I also think there is some onus on people who feel they deserve a seat on the Tube due to e.g. nonobvious pregnancy/injury/illness/etc to ask for one rather than seething in silence.)

[lovelybug.livejournal.com]

Yes - people who martyr themselves because everyone around them isn't pyschic are frustrating!

[jhg.livejournal.com]

I'm generally pretty immune to ribbing (having had such extreme and constant versions of it at school); however (for example) I would *always* speak up in the highly unlikely event I was uncomfortable with ribbing from you lot; not so sure in other social situations (e.g. work).

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

I disagree - I think that if I am going to do something which is distinguishable from bullying, racism, sexism etc only by the subjective reaction of the target, then the onus is on me to make very sure that it is acceptable and not on the target to tell me it's unacceptable. In other words, the default position is Don't Do It (unless the other person shows that it's okay, not Do It until the other person says stop. A comparison with cases of alleged rape is instructive, I think.

[kake]

My point is though that I don't think this is always possible. The set of things which are obviously acceptable is individual and cultural. There are certainly things which I feel I should always make sure to be on the safe side of, but I can't include every possible social interaction in that list, or I'd never be able to do anything. Hence, I should give people some leeway in my reading of their actions towards me, rather than assuming the worst straight off.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

True. I just don't think that ribbing someone is ever on the "obviously acceptable" side of the line, unless the recipient has said that it is for them. Without that, I think it's always either a "not acceptable" or a "maybe", so a person does it at their own risk.